she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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