what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
