i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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