New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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