I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
