did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
