Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
