I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
