My Higher Power is John Stamos
that's an acceptable place to lick
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
