I smell stomach acid.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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