dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
