its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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