when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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