My liver just broke up with me...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
