Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
