i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Semen is not good for contacts.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
