By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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