I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
