Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
