He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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