I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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