If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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