I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
