i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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