oh god the rape fog is back!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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