it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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