She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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