i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
