I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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