We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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