Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
