New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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