I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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