Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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