It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
