somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
