She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
