Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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