the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize