She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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