Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
