How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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