my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
