I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
