I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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