gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
