i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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