Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
