i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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