dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
