My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
