I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
