We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
