I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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