Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
