Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
