Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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