I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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