she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
